Q: How did the tuba player kill himself?
A: He walked off a clef.
Q: How do musicians pay their debts?
A: With quarter notes.
Q: Why did the percussionist leave?
A: He was drummed out of the orchestra.
Q: Why did the opera house fire their male singer?
A: He was always singing tenor eleven notes off.
Q: Why aren’t fish allowed to play in an orchestra?
A: Because you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish.
Q: Why did the conductor tell the trumpeter to stop talking?
A: He was always trying to blow his own horn.
Q: What do you call a conductor who is always giving his orchestra grief?
A: A treble maker.
Q: What does a musician use to sign his checks?
A: A time signature.
Q: Why was the clarinetist always cutting himself?
A: His music was always too sharp.