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You Know You Need A New Lawyer When


#1

You Know You Need A New Lawyer When…

  • The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other.

  • During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

  • He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”

  • He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”

  • During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.

  • Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.

  • He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

  • Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

  • Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”

  • He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”

  • He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.

  • He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said…”